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Adam hopped out of the taxi and paid the driver, thanking him before walking into the big hall where the party was currently taking place. He opened the door and immediately hit a wall of music. He paused to try and catch the song and spot anyone he knew. He managed to locate his best friend (beside Jay) Daniel talking to his secret lover, Matthew. As Adam walked over to them, Matthew moved away, smiling at Daniel and waving at him. Daniel smiled back dreamily and jumped as Adam brought his hand down hard on Daniels shoulder.
Whatre you doing, you knob? Daniel demanded angrily as the smaller boy chuckled.
Oh, come on. I know that didnt hurt you, you big tree. returned Adam fondly.
Daniels features held their anger for a moment, then eventually split into a wide grin as he replied good-naturedly. You know me to well to be fooled by me! Wheres Jay? Jay and Daniel had been working out together for a while, having met in the same gym one day.
Adam glanced towards the doors before replying. Im not sure. Must have got held up...not like him to be late.
Daniel looked around quickly before motioning with his head for Adam to move into a corner with him. Once they had some privacy, he spoke in a low voice. Are you still? his inquisitive tone trailed off.
Adam feigned puzzlement. Still what? Captivated with him? Head over heels in love with him? Completely crazy and utterly over-the-top mad about him?
Thats the one.
Yep.
Well, hang on in there. You dont know whats gonna happen, I mean look at me and Matt-Ow! He yelped as Adam punched him in the arm. What was that for?
Will you stop using you two as an example? You make me so jealous, why cant it happen to me? Why cant I tell Jay how much I love him and that I want nothing more than to be with him night and day? Why? Why? Adam became short of breath, his outburst drawing his air from his lungs. He was obviously upset, in fact close to tears.
Daniel immediately softened and put his arm about Adam's shoulders, trying his best to comfort him. Listen man, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from telling him. I honestly dont think hell care. In fact, just tell him youre gay, then work up to telling him your feelings. Trust me on this ok?
Adam nodded and blinked back his tears. He was in fact planning on telling Jay of his sexual orientation tonight. I just hope he still wants to be my best friend.
Daniel broke into affectionate laughter. Why wouldnt he? Come on , youre too miserable. Try to be optimistic. Now myself, he told Adam conversationally. I go by three simple rules - first, whatever doesnt kill me can only make me stronger. Second, theres no harm in trying, and three, if it doesnt work...stuff it. He grinned.
Adam laughed. Alright then bud. You know better than me.
Daniel smiled fondly and put his arm around Adam's lean shoulder, leading him to the bar. Thats right . Want a coke or something?
Adam glanced to the doors and spotted Jay and a few friends walking in, laughing raucously about something. No thanks Dan, Im gonna go and chat to Jay .
Ok then. Dan returned and walked off to find someone to chat to.
Jay smiled warmly as he saw Adam. Hey Adam ! he exclaimed.
Hiya Jay! Hi guys. Adam replied to Jay, nodding at his two friends, before turning back to Jay. Want a drink man?
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Adam laughed and joked with a few friends during the party, dancing gently to the music that was blaring through the ostentatious speakers. He glanced at his watch - half-past 10. The party ended at 12 midnight, so he had better find a room somewhere and talk to Jay alone now. He made his way carefully through the crowd, finding Jay standing and talking with Matthew and Daniel.
That boy smiled as he spotted Adam walking towards him. Hey Adam!
Hey Jay! - listen guys, do you mind if I just borrow Jay for a minute? I need to talk to him. Adam told Matthew and Daniel, giving them an apologetic look.
Daniel and Matthew shared a glance and both nodded.
Thanks. Adam took Jay by the arm and led him to a little room that looked like a dressing room which was unoccupied.
Jay closed the door, before turning to Adam with a worried expression on his face. Whats up Adam, buddy?
Adam silently beckoned for him to sit at the table. Grabbing a chair from a row of similar chairs that aligned the wall, he unfolded it and sat while Jay sat in the other, worried and more than slightly puzzled.
Adam took a deep breath to calm his raging nerves before continuing. Jay, were friends right? I mean were best buddies, totally inseparable?
Jay smiled reassuringly. Yes, of course we are Adam. We have been for a long time.
Adam took another deep breath - his nerves felt like a raging bull within an endless red tunnel. His mind felt the same - an endless tunnel of twisting turning emotions that were tangled like some insane net. So, he continued we know each others secrets and stufftheres absolutely nothing that would make you want to not be my friend anymore right?
Jay nodded. Right. Now, whats wrong? he asked attentively.
JayIm telling you something that nobody in the whole world knows about - its my deepest secret. He looked at Jay for reassurance, and found it in Jay's warm eyes. JayImIm gay.
Jay stared. Did he take it wrong? Does he hate Adam? Is he wishing he never knew Adam? Finally, he spoke. "Oh. Uh. Yes. Well. Um. Yeah...
"This is really difficult for me so please just bear with me here Adam took another breath before continuing. Well, when I first met youI kindaliked you He looked up at that point to see if Jay was disgusted Andover these past few yearsthatthat likehas sortagrowna lot.
Jay nodded dumbly. Go on?
JayIwell, I He looked in to Jay's eyes to seek reassurance. He had never felt so unsure of himself. Jay, I think that...I love you.
Jay looked momentarily stunned. Ahright." He paused, staring at Adam with...what could only be described as a loathing. "Well, frankly I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Adam froze. "What?"
Jay shot a look of pure disgust at Adam . "Get away from me."
The world sank for Adam . He felt his life slip away, he had no reason to live, no reason to want to live....
"Adam?" came a faraway voice, tugging at the edge of his consciousness.
Adam returned from his momentary daydream, shaking his head slightly. 'No,' he thought, 'I can't tell him. I just can't.'
"Are you okay buddy?"
Adam smiled weakly. "Yeah...sorry, what did you say?" His voice quavered slightly - he felt weak. He couldn't imagine a life without Jay.
"I said, please tell me what else there is?"
Adam began to form the words. "I-" he cut himself off as he looked into Jay's face. He couldn't help but imagine that look of utter contempt that his imagination had conjured so vividly. "I...uh, am thinking of leaving the swim team." His voice once again faltered, the sorry invention being the first thing that had entered his panicking brain.
Jay looked surprised, but not at what Adam had just told him, for he was expecting a much bigger weight to be lifted from the little guy's chest.
"Oh! Why bud?"
Adam sought for a reason with the alacrity that fear brings. "Um, 'cos, 'cos..'cos I don't like the coach!" Jay carried a suspicious expression. "Oh? I thought you liked him. You're always helping him with the equipment and stuff."
"Oh, him? No. Coach? No! Hate his fuckin' guts." Adam lied, his heart sinking as he did so: he did in fact like the coach very much.
Jay's expression now changed, becoming one of attentive care. "You're not being bullied, or blackmailed or anything are you?" Once more, his expression changed, becoming one of unbridled fury. "Because if you are I swear I'll -"
Adam shook his head and smiled. "I'm not! Don't worry Jay...let's just go back to the party." Before Jay could reply, Adam leapt from his seat and dashed out back into the party, looking at the ground. He glanced up and caught the knowing look on Daniel's face. 'I loathe myself sometimes.' Were his last thoughts as he made his way outside to phone for a cab.
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